those things you can predict

i think it's so weird that you can look at a calendar and know what you will be doing that day. or in preparation for that day. like i can look at november 18th, 19th and 20th and say "oh, i will be taking finals and packing up my car to go home", and i can say all of that, just like that. a simple, little sentence. but in comparison it will in no way be that simple. i will shoot so many photos, spend countless hours in the dark room, spend so many friday nights cranking that press. all for... what? it's so strange i can look at a calendar and imagine things that haven't happened yet. for instance, i know that i will drive home that november 20th, not get home until 10 o'clock at night, and the very next day i will be at my dad's, with my black peacoat and my boots and the cold outside, the slush on the ground. i know that we will celebrate my dad's 52nd birthday and it will be warm and full of love and laughter and food. it hasn't happened but i can imagine it and know it. and i know i always claim i hate the cold, and this is true. but when you are in a city that is warm 9 months of the year, when i am home and it's cold i barely notice it because it's during the warmest time of the year. my dad's house permanently smells like cinnamon and apples from thanksgiving to new years and probably before and after that but how i would i know? there is always just so much love and family and candles being lit that the weather outside doesn't matter, just the people inside do.

when i was a little kid, i always thought that there was a duplicate united states, and that every time you touched your finger to a map, a giant finger was coming over the people in that land of the duplicate united states, like they would be outside playing frisbee and all of a sudden, in slow motion, it would get very dark and a giant finger would appear in the sky and everyone would run for cover in the same places that you would a tornado. this seems insignificant but it is much like the looking ahead on the calendar.

to me, anyways.